Why you need to focus on yourself first

I remember the times when I was trying my hardest to help those around me get better from their problems. I’d be there for them any time and I would drop everything to help them out. This isn’t always a bad thing, the problem was that I was also bottling up things inside myself. I would feel like I wanted them to come and help me without them even knowing that I was hurting inside! How was I supposed to help others, but not help myself? I would constantly give advice to my friends and rarely take that advice myself. How many of us have been in that situation before? And before I knew it, I was exploding my bottled feelings to the nearest casualty, usually the same friends/family that I was trying to help previously.

I realised the act of building these things up inside of me was not very healthy at all. I needed some way of overcoming these emotions and the best way, I realised, was to help myself get better by taking necessary steps to ensure that I was looking after myself, before I was able to help anyone else.

This isn’t a selfish thing to do, because you need to make sure you are well before you can offer advice to others. If we are giving advice that we do not follow, doesn’t that make us hypocrites? If this is still difficult for you to understand, then look at it this way; in an aeroplane when there is an emergency and the oxygen masks drop down, they tell you to put YOUR OWN oxygen mask on BEFORE anyone else’s. That’s right, before the old man next to you or the little toddler that’s opposite you. You do that first and foremost, THEN you help the other person with theirs if they need it.

Okay, the above example is life and death, but it’s psychologically the same thing here, if we help others before we help ourselves, then we are left with lots of problems built up inside that aren’t being addressed.

So, what are some of the ways that you can help yourself?

1) Make sure you give yourself time to follow your hobbies and passions.

I like to bang on about following your passions because this is a great way to express yourself and immerse yourself in these actions.

2) Learning to say no to requests

It may be difficult to say no to requests and invitations to social events but you need to be fair to yourself and give some time to yourself too.

3) Giving yourself plenty of rest

This is more important that anything, it’s vital to do this since how can you do anything well when you’re always tired?

4) Add some structure and routine to your life

Adding structure breeds discipline and discipline breeds structure. Doing this will help you manage your life in the best way.

Please be aware that I am not saying you should become self-centered and only think of your own gains. Rather, that you need to understand your own needs and put your wellbeing at the forefront. People like you and me, we like to help others. I’ve found that in doing so, it’s because I expect an outcome or literally put all my effort in all the time and not taking the time to rest yourself.

Ironically, helping others makes us feel good, and to practice this daily would be a good thing for us. Though not to the detriment of your health. Life is a balance and without a set of principles to discipline you, it will do with you what it likes. However, before you can help others (unless you’re forced to) you must know and understand yourself. If you understand yourself, you can understand others better.

 

5 steps to help you develop a powerful inner core

Developing a strong mental mind frame isn’t an easy task, but it isn’t as daunting to start off than you would think. People can be happy living in a life that has no purpose or direction and if that’s what makes you happy, then there nothing anyone can say to you! Sure, having a rough aim and guide to your career path is great, but what about the other aspects of your life? What about your principles and what you stand for? Most people accept their viewpoints from what is being forced down our throats by others.

It’s time to take back control of your life about and become a powerful individual, something that is overlooked.

1) Listen to your internal dialog

I’ve thought about this for a little while and when I remember starting on my journey. The first thing I’d make sure was right, was how I thought. I ask myself, how is this situation making me feel? Am I jealous? Angry? Indifferent?

Is your internal monologue more self defeating or self uplifting? Even starting to become more aware of this will help you understand your behaviours more. From gaining awareness of it you can change it.

2) Do one thing that gets you one step closer to your goal everyday

Everyday I aim to do some things big or small that gets me one step closer to my goal. That could be preparing a blog post, or researching investment topics. After I do this, I feel great, like I am accomplishing something.

It is the small things we do that will add up in the end that will be the difference between you getting to your target and not getting it.

3) Treat yourself like you would your best friend

This is so important and overlooked really easily. I know because even without realising, I piled on the pressure for myself and wouldn’t let myself have a well deserved rest because I didn’t feel like I could. It’s important to congratulate yourself and tell yourself, “you did well today”.

Do you give yourself a pat on the back whenever you’ve achieved something? They can be big or small. Victories don’t have to be gigantic. Make sure you treat yourself how you would your best friend! You wouldn’t beat your friend down if he made achieved mistake. So why are you doing it to yourself?

4) Practice detachment

This is a more challenging step, but something that is very rewarding if done correctly.This may seem contradictory, but actually, the act of doing should be the focus, not the end goal. Sure, we set a goal but from then on, you focus on the steps involved to get there.. not the end goal. It is the now when we are alive and we should focus on that more often 🙂

By doing this we don’t worry about the outcome. We don’t become attached to whether we succeed or fail. Other forms of detachment can go much deeper, but I will talk about that more in a later post!

4) Imagine your best version of yourself

Do you ever imagine how your greatest self is? Do you ever imagine a character in history or the films and think, I can be that person. Imagine yourself as that strong character and how you would deal with issues great or small. By visualising your best self, you actually become it.

Above all, is discipline, (I know I said 5!), but without discipline, it’s no easy task to develop a strong inner core. A core that allows you to be yourself wherever you go. A core that allows you to not put on a mask and pretend to be somebody you’re not. Real before everything and it starts with discipline!